Of Text Messages, Butlers, and Socialites
by CoachLover18
Summary: Text messages between Niles and CC...all of their arguing, bantering, and possibly even some romantic ones.
1. You're My Hobby

**I just thought of this idea about an hour or two ago and I thought why not?  
>For the most part this story will be just text messages between Niles and CC.<br>And the chapters will get longer.**

**Please R&R :)**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing.**

* * *

><p>To: CC<br>From: Niles

Hello Boobcock!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

What do you want dust mop?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Entertainment at your expense.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

._. don't you have a toilet to scrub and food to cook, Butler Boy?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Breakfast is already cooking, Caca...now I need something to do.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Can't you go bother someone else...it's to early for me to argue with the help.

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

No can do Babs...you're my hobby.

To:Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Have I ever told you that I hate you?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Yes...about...3,987,354 times...

To:Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I hate you ._.

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

3,987,355

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Really Tiddy Bowl, really? Must you annoy me this early in the morning? I was trying to sleep before I had to come in for work in a few hours.

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Trying to get some more beauty sleep? You need more than just a few hours...try a few centuries...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I'm turning my phone off...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Go ahead Caca...I have to prepare myself for your arrival anyway *shudders*

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I hate you...you're just a lonely old maid...literally...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Annnnd that makes 3,987,356...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

._.


	2. PS I hate you more

**Chapter two...I hope you like it (: Oh and it's still the same day it was in chapter one and the next two chapters after this will also be the same day.  
>R&amp;R please (:<strong>

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>To: Niles<br>From: CC

Niles?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Niles?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Butler Boy?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Tidy Bowl?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

NILES?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

God damn it, Dust Mop answer me!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Oh what do you want, Trollop? I'm trying to watch my soaps!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I want some tea, so get off your ass and serve me, Butler Boy!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Oh I'll serve you alright ;)

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

wtf...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

You know you want it...;)

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

O_O

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

I'll have your tea ready in ten minutes, Caca.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

It better not be burning hot this time!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Who told you to drink it right away last time...not a very smart thing to do Babs...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

You could've warned me!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

But then I wouldn't have gotten some free entertainment of you shrieking "it burns! it burns!" and running to the kitchen to put ice cubes on your tongue...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I hate you...Oh and I'll be staying for dinner since Max and I will be working late...so you better be making something good!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

ooh so now I have to see your face for even longer...I'm going to have nightmares...I better make something on the light side then for your sake...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

1) You have no room to talk thick boy and 2) Like I'm not going to have nightmares from seeing your wrinkled self...I really hate you...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

3, 987,358 and I like to think I'm hot!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Are you seriously still keeping count, Servant? What nothing better to do with your pathetic life? And hot? In your dreams...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Yes I am...and like I said before...you are my hobby...ps. I hate you more.


	3. I'll Butler slap you!

**Sorry, I'm such a failure at updating on time lol...Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed so far(:**

**I'll be trying to update the rest of my nanny stories later in the week.**

**Also if you read my story Waking up in Vegas, please go to my profile and take the poll i put up (:**

**Oh and this chapter takes place in the same day as the other chapters.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>To: CC<br>From: Niles

Don't over eat, Babcock...

To: CC  
>From:Niles<p>

Stop glaring at me!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Ow! Throwing a roll at me was very unnecessary...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I don't think it was (: and why must you text me when we're in the same room?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Because I know you hate it...and besides I'm going in the kitchen now.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Good now I don't have to stare at your aging face.

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

You know you love staring at this face...these kissable lips...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

What. The. Hell.

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

;)

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I'm not answering you anymore...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Have you seen what I've made for dinner?...Chicken...I know how much you love chicken...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Do you want to be butler slapped?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Bring it on Babs!...unless you ARE a chicken...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Don't you have a floor to scrub, milk to buy, or dishes to

clean...something...anything other than irritating me?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Milk to buy? Well now why would I do that when I have you? You are the cow after all...but you're still eating, I wouldn't want to get trampled while trying to milk you...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Babcock?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Babs?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Babsy babe?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Babsybab?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Caca?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

CC, my little cuddle cloud sometimes craby coconut?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I hate you...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

3, 987, 359!


	4. Wanna make out?

**Omg your reviews made me smile like an idiot! (: So because you guys are so amazing I decided to give you another chapter tonight! I actually wrote it awhile ago but got lazy... And yes this is fun to write(:**

**And this chapter is still in the same day as the others...the next chapter will be a new day(:**

**Also if you haven't already please go to my profile and take the poll about the story waking up in vegas!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Nanny or Amy Winehouse's song Rehab.**

* * *

><p>To: CC<br>From: Niles

Babsy

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Quicker picker upper, what do you want?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Nothing...just wondering what the wicked witch of the Upper East Side is up to.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Relaxing with a drink, butler boy.

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Drinking...I should've known.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

What's that supposed to mean, dust mop?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

You're always drinking...you have a problem Babs...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Do not!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Do too!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

No I don't!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Yes you do!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Don't!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Do!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

DON'T!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

*sings* They tried to make me go to rehab, I said no no no!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

o_o I hate you...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

yeah love ya too Babs ._. ... 3,987, 360 btw...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I can't believe you...why are you texting me this late anyway?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

I started the day off by annoying you, figured I might as well end it that way too :)

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

._.

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

So...what are you wearing? ;)

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Like I'd ever tell you...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

I was just kidding...I don't want any mental images before I go to bed *cringes*

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I don't want any mental images of your old self either...like the one of you dancing around in your underwear that's permanently burned in my mind...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Hey! I told you to never speak of that again!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Maybe I should tell everyone...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

I won't talk to you anymore.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

All the more reason to do it...(:

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Witch.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Servant!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Caca!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Butler Boy!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Chicken!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Dust mop!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Trollop!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Tidy bowl!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Brunette!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Swine!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

I hate you!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I loathe you!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Wanna make out later? ;)

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Wanna get hit later?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

No...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Well then. (:

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Now I'm going to bed.

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Going to get that beauty sleep? I thought we went over this, this morning, Babcock...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I hope your dust mop breaks...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

OoOo real good comeback Babs...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I'm going to stop responding to you...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Sweet dreams Babsy Babs...I'll annoy you tomorrow morning with a text :)


	5. They Turn Me On

** I'm such a failure at updating, but I've been really busy lately. I will be updating the rest of my Nanny stories soon and starting a two shot and another story that's CC centric.**

**I decided to make the first four chapters a Tuesday and these next four are a Wednesday.**

**Look forward to drunk texts for chapter 8...I have to rewrite though since I lost it :/**

**Anyway please R&R**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>To: CC<br>From: Niles

Wakey wakey evil witch!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

You know just because you wake up extra early to scrub toilets doesn't mean you have to wake me up too!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Meow! Someone's grouchy today :3  
>I just wanted to say happy sexual Wednesday :3<p>

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Happy what?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Sexual Wednesday (; Are you going to wear those shoulder pads I like *wiggles eyebrows*

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

O_o what...the...fuck?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

They turn me on(;

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

O_O That's it I'm burning them!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Relax Boobcock I'm kidding...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Thank god!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

It's really your red, juicy lips that turn me on(;

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

O_O


	6. Exactly

**I'm being a good updater :3 Now I just gotta be a good reviewer :3**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>To: Niles<br>From: CC

You didn't insult me when I walked in today ): What's wrong.

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

You wanted me to insult you?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

It's what we always do! I knock on the door, you answer, I say "hello, hello!", you throw out an insult, I throw out a comeback, you insult me again, I tell you I hate you, and then you do that stupid counting thing you always do and then I go to work in the office. You didn't do that...there must be something wrong...What's the matter butler boy? Did your favorite dust mop break?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Nothings wrong.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

It's okay you can tell me.

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

There's really nothing wrong.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Come on Niles tell me.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Niles?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Niles?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Niles?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Butler Boy?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Dust Mop?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

There's nothing wrong!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Then why didn't you insult me?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Because I couldn't come up with anything mean to say about you because you look too damn beautiful today to say anything!

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Exactly.


	7. Must be that time of the month

**No you're not seeing things...this story is really updated :p Sorry it took so long, but I'll try to update quicker :3**

**Look out for chapter 8 either later today or tomorrow...as well as my other story updates (:**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>To: Niles<br>From: CC

So this morning was…

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Awkward…

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Very…

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

I didn't mean what I said…I was…high…

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

High off what? Lemon pledge?

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

No -_- High off of your awful, deadly perfume.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Oh like you smell any better! Aren't you supposed to be doing your job instead of irritating me? Bring me a new cup of tea!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Did you just admit to smelling bad, Babs? :3

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

-_- Tea. Now, Dust Mop!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Mmm…someone's a bit crabby…must be that time of the month *smirks*

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Niles!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

One cup of tea coming right up my evil ice queen :p


	8. I just want to see you in my bed naked

**I couldn't wait...I have to put up chapter 8 :3 Oh yeah and it's still the same day as the last chapter, but it's at night now.**

**I hope you like it (:**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>To: Niles<br>From: CC

Hey sexy boy ;)

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

O_O

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

You're hot!

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

What. The. Fuck.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Why don't you bring that hot ass over to my place ;)

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

This is a joke right? O_o

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

A joke? Niles, would I ever joke about this? ;) I just want to see you in my bed...naked ;)

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Yup this is definitely a trick.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

No tricks here, baby ;) Just someone who wants to lick you all over ;)

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Yes this is a trick. You text me trying to get me all turned on so that I come over there and when I do a bucket of something gooey falls on my head, you throw something like feathers on me, and somehow tie me up while filming the whole thing to put on YouTube.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Am I turning you on? ;)

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

I...I don't have to answer that.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Why don't you come over here and see what I'm wearing...I'll really turn you on then...especially once you know what I want to do to you ;)

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Damn it woman! You know I...wait a minute...I know what's going on here. You've been drinking haven't you?

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

No...

Now get over here...I want you ;)

...on top of me ;)

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

-_- CC

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Okay fine. So I had a few sips of Jack Daniels...now get over here...and lose your clothes ;)

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

How many glasses, CC.

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Just one...

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

Tell the truth

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

Just one...and a half bottles...

* 1 picture attachment *

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

See I knew you were drun...WHOAH! Is that...is that what you're wearing? :O *o*

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

;) You like? Did it turn you on? ;)

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

...

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

I'll take that as a yes ;)

* 1 picture attachment *

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

OH MY...CC! :O

To: Niles  
>From: CC<p>

You want it? ;) Come and get it ;)

To: CC  
>From: Niles<p>

You're really drunk, CC. I'll be right there.

* * *

><p>To: Maxwell<br>From: Niles

I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to be on your own for breakfast. I have to go take care of a friend and make sure nothing happens to her tonight.


End file.
